I Just Gots to Know!

Knowledge …

I must confess that I love knowledge. Especially as it pertains to people and what makes them tick. I like to understand how people … particularly those who are nearest and dearest to me … work.

Why do some people view life one way, when others see things in a completely opposite manner?

What makes the dynamics a certain way between two people in a particular relationship? And yet those same two people may relate in a completely different manner with other people. Why is that?

Why are some folks shy and aloof? Why are others outgoing? Why do particular people make you feel safe and warm? And why do others make you feel like fingernails on a chalkboard?

This quest to know has been part of my psychological makeup for as long as I can remember. At first, I attributed human differences to astrology and the signs of the Zodiac. “Oh, you’re a Taurus … no wonder you are so stubborn.” Then I read a series of birth order books. “Oh, you’re a firstborn, so that’s why you are an overachiever.” Later, I was introduced to the concept of the four basic personality temperaments: Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic, and Phlegmatic … and the many variations thereof. (Apparently I am not the only one fascinated with this type stuff; if you do an on-line search on personality, you will be amazed at all the resources you find.) There are tests to determine how your unique personality influences you in the workplace, in marriage, in parenting, etc.

Couple my need to know the how and why of “relationship ticking” with my analytical nature, and you come out with someone who loves all those types of testing tools. When I was homeschooling my children, they suffered through more of these kinds of testing sessions than they probably care to remember. I wanted to know what these tests said about their temperaments and personality traits so I could better understand them and how they inter-related. We took personality tests. We took spiritual gifts inventories. We took aptitude testing to see what careers they would be best at. You name it, we probably “tested” it. I was in my glory, because I just loved the discovery of it all. It simply fascinated me. Still does. And I honestly find it odd when people do not share my enthusiasm in learning about these things.  

 Over the years, I have come to understand that my desire to know, my need to analyze, and my enthusiasm in the quest are part of the gifting that my heavenly Father saw fit to include in the unique package He fashioned together in me. (And he put an equally unique form-fitted gift into every one of us.) He made me the way I am in order that I will have the tools necessary to accomplish the plans and purposes He has created for me to fulfill while I’m here on this earth (Ephesians 2:10). It’s okay that others aren’t just like me; in fact, it is good that there is only one of me, for the world would be hard-pressed to deal with more than that!  And it is equally okay that I am not just like everyone else. God doesn’t make cookie cutter people. He makes originals every time.

So there is abundant and unique blessing in the gift package I came with, even if it might feel like fingernails on a chalkboard to some folks. However, a person’s gifting should also come with a warning label, because when applied the wrong way, these gifts can do more harm than good, both to the “gifted” and to the recipients of the gifting.

For me, my need to know can at times pass beyond interest and understanding and go straight to taking what I understand about personality and relationships and using it to pigeonhole people; when I see their behavior or thought processes as predictable, it always leads to prideful assumptions and painful misunderstandings, rather than just letting the people I love be who they are and tell me what they think or feel. A novel idea, right?!

 I had an epiphany just this morning, regarding my “need to know.” Our family has recently been dealing with an unexpected circumstance that has come up; one of our children has decided to divorce, and it came as quite an emotional shock. Some time has passed since the initial announcement, and I have had a chance to process and settle my emotions; overall I am feeling more peace in the midst of things, but there are times that I agonize over what we might have done differently as parents to help our child avoid this painful situation. I’ve been reading a book that I felt might shed some light, “doing my research,” so to speak, as is so true to my God-given nature. The author suggested many things parents might do to help their children navigate the world and all its ills in a secure and stable fashion, and I recognized that hubby and I fell short in more ways than one.

Lord, if we’d have done “this” or “that,” would things have gone down differently? I wondered.

In essence, I was pleading with Him …

I gots to know!!!!! How did this happen? Am I responsible?

His answer came in that still small voice I have come to know and love, and I was filled with conviction and peace at the same time, as well as with a sense of well-being and confidence.

I heard His words coming from my own mouth:

Why are you doing this to yourself? 

What good is it doing? 

What would you do if you did know the answer to that question? 

Can you go back and change the past? 

Will assigning blame make you feel better?

(And, yes, I do talk to myself…)

He continued:

Did you make mistakes as parents? Yes. You are human. Humans make mistakes.

Did your mistakes contribute to the thought processes that led to decisions that may have precipitated the circumstances facing your child today? Probably. 

And by the way, if I happen to reveal any of that to you, it’s to help you know how to pray for the situation, and to help you ask forgiveness from your child if necessary. It is not to give you permission or a reason to condemn yourself; there is no more condemnation (Romans 8:1).

Were your mistakes solely responsible for this circumstance? No. Remember that little thing that I put into each one of you when I created you? Free will? That free will operates in every single one of you, and that free will must take at least partial credit for every challenging circumstance that makes its way into a life.

And He closed with this:

Wouldn’t your time be better spent reminding yourself of the truth of My faithfulness to you and your children? If you spend your time meditating on Who I am; remembering that nothing is a surprise to Me, because I know the end from the beginning; considering that I am the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and that all of My good purposes will be accomplished and prevail over the assignments of the enemy, because their accomplishment depends on Me and not on you … you will find a peace, a joy, and a strength that can never be had any other way. This is walking in the Spirit.

When you let your need to know become your driving force, the thing that you trust in for your peace, security, hope, and solution, it becomes a god; you become the god of your own life. You are in control, rather than resting in My control.

Let it go. Leave it with Me.

I love you.

I love your family.

I got this.

You don’t   gots to know   anything but that!

 

There's Another Woman ......

There have been other women in my husband's life before. His mom. Our two daughters. The women our sons married. But this one is entirely different. Unforeseen. Recent. One who came without warning and whose presence my heart met with ambivalence and fear. 

Zoe. That's her name. 

She's been part of our lives for almost a month now. And I've learned to accept her. Actually, she is all her name says she is ... Zoe means "life," and she is just that to Wayne and me and our relationship. 

Before you call me crazy, let me explain ...

We had a scare in early September, you see. Had the outcome been different, I could be without my husband now. And I know there are many out there who have had to face this loss in their lives, so I am not making light of this reality or taking our own near-brush lightly. No, not lightly at all. 

On September 3rd, Wayne had stroke. It happened in the very early morning as he was waking, rather than when he was driving to work on the 24-mile-long Causeway Bridge, which could have caused a horrific accident and taken many lives, including his own. By God's grace, I recognized what was happening, and we got him to the hospital. 

Doctors aren't sure what happened or why. He didn't have the normal precursors or warnings. So far, tests and labs have proven inconclusive as the the "why" of the event; all the tests merely confirm that he did indeed have a stroke. 

One of the tests that doctors ordered done was a sleep study. This has been the only test so far that has had a positive result: Wayne does indeed have severe sleep apnea, also known as obstructive sleep apnea (OSA). He actually stops breathing over 30 -50 times an hour while sleeping. I knew he had some serious snoring issues, but....

That's when we learned that we would have a third presence in our bedroom at night, a CPAP machine. It was hard for me to get used to the idea of Wayne sleeping hooked up to a machine which makes him resemble an elephant. The first time he donned the mask, our dog Sugar had no idea what to make of it. She just stared at him, like he'd grown another head ... well, a longer nose, at least. 

I'd heard many horror stories of how difficult sleeping with these machines can be. Noisy. Mask issues. Frustration that could be so bad that it caused the OSA sufferer to choose to take his or her chances without it, rather than to endure the machine. 

And I made up plenty more of my own: 

How will we sleep comfortably with him attached to a tube? 

Will we ever be able to snuggle again? 

What if he can't adjust to it? 

What if he can?

Will life ever seem normal again?

A good friend of ours counseled us, before we even got the machine, to name it, for we would need to view it as a friend. 

That's when Zoe was born.

I am happy to report that there is life after an OSA diagnosis, after the addition of a CPAP machine to your life. In fact, life is really good. That man hasn't snored one single time since Zoe arrived on the scene. We can actually sleep in the same bed, in the same room, in the same house! Wayne isn't covered with bruises from where I've had to elbow him all night long to hush the grizzly! And we have a little peace of mind; we may not know why he had the initial stroke, but we do know that his brain is no longer oxygen-deprived during sleep. 

So I just want to be a beacon of hope and a word of encouragement to anyone facing similar life changes. Life is an adventure! Embrace it!

The Keurig is not Foolproof!

I felt a lot like the Time to Make the Donuts man from the old Dunkin Donuts commercial when I woke up this morning. On top of the week-long trip (a ten-to-twelve-hour drive each way) my daughter and I just made to Texas, from which we returned last Wednesday, hubby and I made our own turn-around trip to Texas this past weekend. We returned home just last night. On both occasions, I made the several-hour drive, returning home in the evening and going to work the very next morning.

While in Texas the second time, I visited an H.E.B. grocery store and picked up some of my favorite coffee, a treat, and the thought of a hot cup helped propel me from the warmth of my bed to prepare to leave for work.

I popped the K-Cup into my Keurig and pushed the button. While I fed the dogs, I inhaled deeply the aroma of H.E.B. Café Ole's Texas Pecan. It smelled heavenly.

On groggy autopilot, I finished with the dogs and reached into the cabinet for my coffee mug.

WAIT!

I already smell the fresh brewed coffee.

I am holding a cold, empty mug in my hand.

Where is my coffee?

Are you kidding me?

In my sleepy stupor, I had just popped that handy little cup into my foolproof one-cup coffee maker, my personal coffee valet. After the kids all married and left home, hubby purchased me a Keurig, because I was the sole remaining coffee drinker in the house, and making a whole pot of brew for one or two cups each morning was just too much trouble. I would either get the coffee too strong or too weak ... or full of grounds because the filter folded over on the tiny amount of coffee I had to use for just one person.

I've enjoyed my Keurig immensely. I want one cup of coffee; I use one K-cup. My perfectly right-strength coffee fills my cup, and I have to throw nothing away. What's not to like? Foolproof!

Until today.

Today, I proved that the Keurig is not fool proof. Because in my groggy state, I forgot the coffee mug. I had the wonderful aroma, but no coffee. The coffee had drained into the overflow reservoir, leaving me to feel quite foolish, standing there with my empty cup trying to figure out where my coffee was.  

I had to giggle. I knew I was tired, but....

As I drank my coffee, the second cup I brewed and actually put in a mug this time, I reflected on the incident. In addition to being comical, there was a spiritual lesson to be had here. Several lessons, in fact.

Scripture is filled with references to our being "vessels". And in those references we are vessels that are filled, being filled, filled to overflowing.... We are earthen vessels filled with the treasure of the gospel (2 Corinthians 4:6&7). We are filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:19). We can be filled with the knowledge of God's will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding (Colossians 1:9). And these are just a few ways our vessels can be filled. But there is one fact we cannot ignore: if we do not bring our vessel to God, if we do not submit our hearts, our minds, our souls, to the One who created us, to the One who sits at the right hand of the Father and intercedes for us (Hebrews 7:24-25), we will not be filled. Our treasure, our fullness of God, our knowledge of God's will, our wisdom, our understanding -- all that the Father longs to fill us with will be lost. It will pour into the overflow, rather than into our lives to enrich us and bear fruit.

So we must be diligent to present our cup to Him each day, that He may pour into us all that He would have us to pour out to others. If we neglect to position our cup to receive from Him, we will be the empty mug, trying to figure out where our joy is ... trying to figure out what our purpose is ... trying to figure out why God feels so far away.

It's time. Time to smell the coffee. And time to fill the cup!

May you be blessed. May you be filled. May you be His.

Meet and Greet!

Abbie posted this on her blog (CLICK HERE) and it was such a good idea, I had to share!

I met Abbie on Facebook and we've become friends and prayer partners. 

Social media has its pros and cons, and it's nice to be able to find like-minded friends and support. 

Feel free to leave a link to your own blog and repost. 

God bless,

Cheri

Prodigals: Come Home!

Prodigal: The term has a decidedly negative religious connotation, doesn't it? I mean, when you hear about the Prodigal Son, you automatically think about the ungrateful child in the pigpen (Luke 15:11-32), having wasted his inheritance and ruined his life. Especially if you identify with the older brother, the one who "lived right" from the beginning, not requiring a walk on the wild side to help him realize the error of his ways. 

I looked up the meaning of the word prodigal, and I was surprised by what I found. (Definition of prodigal on Dictionary.com)

One definition: giving or yielding profusely; lavish
Another: lavishly abundant; profuse

Couldn't these very definitions define the heart of God? Doesn't He give mercy profusely? Aren't His blessings lavishly abundant? 

It was the other connotation of the word that rounded out the term prodigal: wastefully or recklessly extravagant. 

I remember two women in scripture who were accused of wasteful extravagance, when they poured perfume on the feet of Jesus, anointing Him with their love and tears. (Luke 7:36-50; John 12:1-11)

We might not all have a financial inheritance to go and waste on crazy living, as the young man did who was described in Luke 15. But every single living person in the world has a Father in heaven who loves him or her, who holds out the gift of eternal life to him or her. This free gift of eternity with our Creator is beyond any amount of money we could ever possess, and it comes to us at no cost ... FREE ... bought and paid for on our behalf by the life of Jesus Christ, who died in our place. (John 3:16)

Yet most of us have to figure it out the hard way. We go on living as if we have all the answers. We go on living as if we have forever. Wasting the precious time that God has given us here on this earth, to know and share His heart with a lost and dying world. We go on running from the loving arms of our Father, because we have bought the lie: the lie that there are many ways to God ... the lie that it doesn't matter ... the lie that we are guaranteed another tomorrow ... the lie that we know better than the One who created us.   

In truth, everyone is a prodigal before our Lord gets hold of his or her heart; at least I know I was. And now many of us who are parents know the unending heartache of watching our children run from God. And it doesn’t stop there. Many of us have family members … fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers … aunts, uncles, cousins … the list is unending … who are not in right relationship with the Father. It hurts to see them struggle. It is hard to keep praying and seemingly see no results. It isn’t about how hard or how well we pray; it’s not a thing we can control, because the answer involves those we are praying for baring and bowing their hearts to an unseen God, and many of these hearts are buried in heavy layers of self-protective armor. These people who we love so much and who seem so difficult at times are really wounded and hurting souls who just don’t want to be hurt yet again; their “truster” is broken. Too many times, they’ve risked vulnerability and been kicked in the teeth for their efforts. 

It is tempting to want to give up, to see all that prayer as a waste of time. And that is exactly what the enemy would like for us to do. But recently, God has encouraged me in so many ways as I pray. 

What does scripture say?

In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people (Acts 2:17, NIV). The NKJV translation says on all flesh. In a recent message given at our church, the speaker made this observation: the text doesn't say that the Spirit will be poured only on those who know God; it says the Spirit will be poured on all people. This includes those prodigals we are praying for! We can pray that the armor that surrounds their hearts ... the lies that have gripped their thoughts ... will crack, and we can pray that the Spirit will seep into those cracks and begin to heal their wounds and woo them to the Father's heart. 

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded (James 4:8). Notice the order in this verse. Does it say that God will draw near after you purify yourself? Or does it say to draw near to Him, and He will come near to you ... purification to follow? Yes, all He needs is for you to turn your head in His direction. 

And let's go back to the original passage we were discussing in Luke 15. Verse 20 reads like this: And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. The father was watching for the lost son, just as God the Father watches for us to make a move to come in His direction. When we do, He runs to us. 

Don't stop praying, people!!!! Nothing is impossible with God!

I want to close with this video clip our pastor played in church this past Sunday. It has some amazing spiritual applications. But for now, it is a depiction of a bear cub who has strayed from safety and is being stalked by a cougar; he runs to safety, and he finds it. 



Be blessed this day!

Keep Your Eye on the Ball ...

March Madness means something different in my life than for the majority of the rest of the world ... at least those individuals in the rest of the world who are sports-minded. I work in an accounting office, and we are slap dab in the middle of tax season. It gets rough. We are all tired and frazzled.

Last week was particularly tough for me. I only took my eye off the ball for a minute, but that was all it took, and I was out in left field. (Oops, I think I am mixing my metaphors, but you get the general idea here.......)

What happened to all that freedom I embraced this past December? I had to go and re-read my own post. Where did all my spiritual health (and mental health, for that matter) get off to? 

I lost sight of God's love, God's provision, God's purpose for me, and I focused squarely on my circumstances.

All too quickly, I found my mind wrapped in all the old self-defeating thoughts and attitudes of the past. Victimhood. It's always there ... ready, waiting, willing to cuddle and comfort the unsuspecting heart and mind. 

I was overworked. Stressed beyond my ability to cope well. My flesh had been super-sized. And my spirit was cowering in the corner, undernourished and weak. 

My super-sized flesh grabbed a megaphone and began to holler in my head: Did you see that? How can I get all this done alone? Did you see how this person looked at you? You messed that up. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah .......

Soon vain imagination jumped into the mix. It was a regular party up in my head. It made for a bad day that stretched into a bad week. 

Add to the mix some other unexpected personal circumstances, and by the end of the week I felt like all the life had been squashed right out of me. And for all practical purposes, it truly had been. I had allowed a mountain of circumstances to snuff out the light of hope in my heart. I forgot that I was part of a team, that I didn't have to handle life all alone. 

I spoke with a dear friend this past weekend, and after I'd shared all my woes and asked her to pray for me, I quipped lightly, "Well, if all this is coming against me, I'm either doing something very wrong or very right."

She chuckled softly and said she was sure the Holy Spirit would let me know. 

She was certainly right. 

The very next day, another friend shared this devotional with me: 

 From Sapphires, the teachings of Jonathan Cahn

How is your day going? You probably think that if things are going bad you are having a bad day and if things are going good, it’s a good day. But the Bible says something completely different. And it can change the way you live your life. Proverbs 15:15 says, "All the days of the downcast are bad, but a cheerful heart has an everlasting banquet."    Or, 'All the days of the downcast are bad, but a good heart has a never-ending banquet.'

In other words, it is not bad days that make the downcast heart. It is the downcast heart that makes all of the bad days. And it is not the continual banquet that makes the good heart. It is the good heart that makes the continual banquet. Get it?

If your heart is complaining, your days will be rotten. And if your heart is full of praise and thanksgiving, your days will be full and beautiful.  So... do you want a good day, a good week, a good year … a good life?  Stop seeking after a good day, and seek instead to have a good heart. Give thanks in all things, and praise to God, and your life will become an everlasting banquet.

TODAYS MISSION - No matter what is around you today, give God thanks and praise Him as often as you can, and you will have a never-ending banquet.

Psalm 42:11

The problem wasn't with the people around me. The problem wasn't having too much work to do. The problem was my very own heart. My heart was complaining. And the problem was with my very own eyes. My eyes were focused on circumstances, instead of on the Lord of my life, who walks right beside me through every possible circumstance I encounter. He is my Way Maker. He is my Victory.  He is my Peace ... my Redeemer ... my Rock ... my Shield ... my Strength ... my Safe Place. He is my all in all. 

At the risk of sounding irreverent, He is the Ball in my court. If I will keep my eyes on Him, we will make the winning basket every time!

The Face in the Mirror

Do you like who you see in the mirror? Sadly, I can honestly say that I used to hate the person who stared back at me from that reflection. I am fifty-five years old, and up until a few days ago, I didn't have much positive to say about the person I saw in my mirror every morning. I can trace the origin of my insecurity as far back as elementary school ... that feeling of not being sure of myself and how I fit into the world. 

I became a master of deception. There aren't many who knew how I truly felt about myself. I allowed a few precious people to slip past the cracks in my facade, but all except the most perceptive probably had no idea how I really felt about me. For years, I was even able to convince myself that I was just fine. I mean, it's just natural to struggle with self-esteem, right?  

I can still recall in vivid detail the first time serious rejection rocked my world. I was stunned, blind-sided, never saw it coming. That person was a safe place ... or at least that person had been a safe place, my protector, my champion. The hateful words that shattered my naivete' rattled around in my mind for years; they still attempt to rise from the ashes of my past at times.  

I felt impenetrable walls instantly rise around my heart. NO ONE will ever hurt me that way again. No way! The only person I can safely trust in this world is me. Self-protection. That too is only natural. And for years that's how I lived my life. 

The downside is that even I (the one who would have the most vested interest in doing a good job) did a lousy job of protecting myself. Countless poor choices, one after the other, chipping away at my sense of security, my sense of identity, my sense of self. Each time I deemed it safe to let down the walls a bit, safe to let this one or that one have access to my heart, I would again be disappointed by the reality of human nature. Another hole in my heart. And a bigger one in my head!

Eventually this truth prevailed: the only way to avoid rejection is to reject them before they can reject me. Oh, I might not actually reject them outright, but I lived armed and dangerous. Always on the defensive. At the first hint of negativity, my weapons were at the ready. I had a quiver full of various arrows: criticism, judgment, self-righteousness, resentment, sarcasm, the cold shoulder, the silent treatment, bitterness, unforgiveness ... just to name a few. 

You can't hurt me if I hurt you first, right? 

Wow! How in the world did I have any friends at all? you might be wondering. 

That's the saddest part. 

Every single one of these methods of self-protection can be employed by Christians and non-Christians alike. They are equal-opportunity solutions. They can be delivered in mean and hateful ways, OR they can be hammered home in sweetness. 

If you are feeling self-righteous (aka: self-deceptive, and sanctimonious) it might sound like this: "Oh, I just hate to feel this way. We really need to pray for so-and-so. Do you know what they did to me?" 

If you are just sincerely struggling, it can go like so: "Please pray for me. I am having a terrible struggle. I need to come to a place of forgiveness for..."

Sometimes the intent is to harm. Sometimes the motive is pure: Please, God, I just want to stop the pain and keep from being harmed anymore. 

No matter why or how, we should be clear on this fact: Harboring these kinds of thoughts and feelings is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die. (I have no idea who should get credit for this quote, but it fits too perfectly not to use it here. I Googled to find out who originally said it, and this is what I found: click here.) 

The honest truth of the matter is this: If we insist on protecting ourselves, if we wall off our hearts to avoid being hurt, if we reject others before they can reject us, eventually we will reject ourselves. We will grow to hate the person we see in the mirror every morning. And that's no way to live. 

How do I know? I lived it. 

You see, I gave my heart and my life to Jesus Christ when I was twenty-five years old. He has been my Savior since the day I prayed and asked Him; my eternity in heaven has been secure. I am saved, but I haven't been truly free. 

I haven't trusted God to protect my heart. I've remained staunchly in control of my life and who could or couldn't get close enough to cause me hurt. That's not to say there has never been pain. As I said above, I haven't always done such a good job of protecting myself.

Jesus has been my Savior, but He was Lord only in select areas. For the thirty years I've walked with Him, I really saw little problem with that. But I had a lot of questions. Why does this or that keep happening to me, Lord? Why can't I find the victory?

And as the years have passed, the Holy Spirit has faithfully helped me, little by little, to pry my fingers off the steering wheel of my life, and He plucked the last one away a couple days ago. 

Over the past ten weeks, I've been part of a Bible study called Freedom, and it culminated in a retreat this past weekend. At that retreat, so many things happened. One of the most significant for me was a newfound freedom; and that freedom came through surrender. I will no longer insist on protecting myself; I will trust God to protect me. I will no longer insist on staying in control; I will yield myself to the Holy Spirit and let Him lead me.

If you have seen yourself in anything I shared above, you might want to pray a prayer similar to the one I was led to pray:

Dear Father, 

I confess that I have not allowed You to be Lord of my life. I have tried to control people and things. Please forgive me. I have allowed a spirit of rejection to permeate my relationships with others, and I have even rejected myself. Forgive me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am created in Your image. If I reject me, I reject You. I will no longer give that spirit of rejection access to my mind or my heart. I tell you, rejection, that you must go; you no longer have any legal right in my life. Fill me, Holy Spirit, with Your love, with Your life, with Your truth. Use me to carry that love and truth to others. 

Amen

I was Running Low on Ammo when I got to Church ...

Well...

Confession is good for the soul, right?

So I confess that I knew that title would grab your attention!

And, yes. Yes! Confession is good for the soul. It forces us to live honestly. It forces us to live on purpose. It forces us to live our lives like we really mean it. 

Please don't ever let anyone tell you that God doesn't have a sense of humor. I wrote my last post (Should We Stockpile Ammo?) a couple weeks before it actually made its debut; how was I to know that when I re-read it, God would use my very own words to bring conviction to my heart? 

Not funny, God! 

Actually, it did make me laugh. Caught red-handed. 

Let's see ... now where was I? 

Oh, that's right. 

I was running low on ammo when I got to church [click here to read the post :) ], and instead of paying attention to Pastor's message, I was forming a plan of attack on the clutter that is currently holding my home hostage. 

• We are going to clean out that room, deal with the boxes of "stuff" that reside there, reclaim our living space. 
• We are going to clean out our closets.
• We are going to clean the kitchen cupboards out. 

The din of my racing thoughts was deafening. 

But eventually the Spirit of God began to penetrate the clamor, and my spirit responded to His ministrations. Maybe it was the worship music. Maybe it was the Spirit calming the savage beast of perfection that raged within. Maybe it was just my Father in His great mercy, reaching out His hand to steady me.  

Let's see. What had I written in that earlier post? 

The more of His word that we have hidden in our arsenal ... in our hearts ... the more weapons we have available to us to address whatever assault the enemy has cooked up to turn our life upside down. 

Just whose words had I been listening to that morning? 

You are a failure. 
You are inadequate. 
You mess up everything. 

Oh, yes ... those would be the words of the enemy. The words of a liar bent on stealing my peace, bent on destroying my true identity as a daughter of the King, and determined to kill my joy. 

Whenever I am unsettled, I have noticed an unhealthy pattern. Instead of sitting with God and asking Him what He wants me to learn in the midst of my unrest, I want to DO SOMETHING! By getting busy "doing," it seems I feel convinced that I have worth, promise, and potential. So my natural tendency is to get Bound Under Satan's Yoke, performing to prove something, rather than recalling the truth of God's word that tells me who I am in Him. If I would simply speak that truth to myself, it would expose the lie and bring instant peace. 

In the spirit of confession, Thanksgiving Day was a two-week celebration in our family this year. Nothing at all wrong with that; we ought to be giving thanks every day, right? No, the confession is in the reality that when we are caught up in having company and pulled from our usual routine, I often don't make the time I need to for God in my life. 

Right about here is where there needs to be a warning label. (The genius of this photo will be lost on those too young to remember the television show Lost in Space, but I couldn't resist.)

In busy times like these, I acknowledge Him, but I'm not sitting in His presence the way I need to be in order to stockpile ammo, to keep myself steeped in His words of life. I find that I'm often trying to live on yesterday's manna. 

Living on yesterday's manna is never a good thing. People are like tires with a nail in them; or like helium balloons several days past their prime. The truth of the matter is that we leak. We can take great care to keep ourselves filled with the Holy Spirit, but this is a daily endeavor; if we don't refresh our supply, we will run low on ammo. 

As long as I'm confessing here, I might as well give you the full monty. In all long-term relationships, you know that there will be those days when things just don't seem "right" between you and your loved one. That particular Sunday, my sweet husband and I were dealing with a repetitive struggle, a certain concern that arises every so often between us, especially at times when I allow my spiritual tank to leak. Each time this particular issue surfaces, we share our hearts and our thoughts, but we still seem to come away without full resolution. Things improve each time we tread the pathways of this challenge, but the fact remains that we still have a ways to go. 

Instead of focusing on the positives, the fact that we get closer and closer to full resolution each time we reach this place in our relationship, that Sunday I was full of frustration and self-condemnation. I was irritated at him and at myself. I ended up in church, but I wasn't worshiping my Lord. No, I was steeped in bondage, at least until the Holy Spirit was able to shine some light into the darkness and remind me to use my ammo; to remind me to speak truth to the lie and be freed; to stop the enemy in his lying, cheating tracks.

Hubby and I sorted everything out as the day progressed, and as I prayed and reflected the next day, I told God how very blessed I am to be His daughter and Wayne's wife. In fact, I can say without doubt that my husband is the one of the best things that has ever happened to me. God gently whispered in my ear: 

Tell him, then. And live like you mean it. 

Stop living as if you have a choice; spiritual warfare is not an option in the Christian life. Put your fatigues on and get back in the war. 

By the way, take all your ammo. 

Should We Stockpile Ammo?

The 2nd Amendment to the United States' Constitution grants American citizens the right to bear arms. There is much uproar in today's world about that inalienable right ... both in favor of it and in opposition to it. There have been many attempts by legislators to hinder the purchase of both arms and ammunition. 

So my question today is: Should we stockpile ammo?

Now that I have your attention, I have to tell you that I am indeed talking about offensive weapons in today's post, but the ones I want to discuss are weapons of a different kind. 

Ephesians 6:11-17 speaks about the armor we should wear as Christians in the war between good and evil. There's a belt, a breastplate, shoes, a shield, and a helmet -- all defensive weapons. There is only one offensive weapon provided Christians: the sword of the Spirit. 

That sword is defined as being the word of God. 

What does the Bible say about the Word? One of my favorite scriptures is this: 

In the beginning was the Word, 

and the Word was with God, 

and the Word was God.

John 1:1

The Word of God ... our Bibles ... these are living Words. It's like having God Himself speaking through us. These words are powerful. These words will defeat the enemy of our souls every time. Without fail. 

When we are facing tough times and we pray God's Word over situations and people, when we stand on His promises, it is like interjecting God Himself into the midst of our dilemma. We place Him like a covering over the things that concern us. 

The more of His word that we have hidden in our arsenal ... in our hearts ... the more weapons we have available to us to address whatever assault the enemy has cooked up to turn our life upside down. 

We are often quick to credit (blame) God for whatever hardship we are facing, when many of our trials are self-induced, if we are honest. And it is true that He will also sometimes allow us to be tested (just read the book of Job, if you doubt that), but never ... not one single time ... has he allowed us to be tested and defenseless. He sent His Son to pay the ultimate price for our salvation, and then He gave us a Bible full of the Word, that we have at our disposal, to address whatever comes our way in this life. He also sent us His Spirit to remind of those Words ... but if we don't read His Word, if we don't hide it in our hearts and minds, how is the Spirit going to recall it to our memory when it's desperately needed?

Then we want to rail at God. Why are You letting this happen to me? Why have You forgotten me?  

It would be then that He would smile (because He's much more patient and forgiving than we are) and whisper to the Holy Spirit:

Now would be the perfect time. Go and remind my child of Hebrews 13:5, when I said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Oh, wait ........ she hasn't read that in her Bible yet, so you have no way to bring it to her remembrance. 

So should we stockpile ammo? Absolutely. Read your Bibles. Soak in those words. Every single verse has the potential to stop the enemy in his tracks. He is the father of lies and the truth is not in him (John 8:44). He comes only to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Take those darts/bullets (your ammo of choice) of truth and remind him of that whenever he starts messing with your thoughts, with your life, with your loves ones. 

One last bonus thought: Those who are of the mind to stockpile ammo for their guns, afraid that they won't be able to get it in the future, are always on the lookout for sales and places to get ammo cheap. Well, God's word is free! Can't get any less expensive than that. 

The Word, the good news, might be free; but it isn't cheap ~ it cost Jesus His life! We bless Him when we live like we know it. 

You Find what You Look for ...

If you've been married for any length of time, I'm sure you know by now that your spouse can do things that you find annoying. I mean, it can't be just me, can it? 

Let me give you an example. I've always been a night owl, while hubby could happily go to bed at 9 PM. I can be nodding off on the couch in the evening, but around 10:00, I always get that burst of I'm-not-sure-what, but I could stay up for another couple hours after it hits, no sweat ... until the alarm goes off at 5 AM. I guess God just designed our biorhythms differently. After all, variety is the spice of life, right?  

That being the case, it's not unusual for me to sit up reading at night, while Wayne slumbers peacefully beside me, quiet as a mouse. Quiet as a mouse, that is, UNTIL I turn off the light and snuggle down to drift off to dreamland myself. It usually doesn't take more than thirty seconds, a minute at most, before I hear that first raspy little snore. Really? 

I literally feel my entire body tense at the softest hint of a snore. My blood pressure elevates, and I find my thoughts spinning around at the injustice of it all.

I've been reading for over an hour, and you haven't made a single peep. But now ... now that I'm trying to sleep ... now you are going to snore. That's just great. Priceless!

I used to get so frustrated that I'd go and sleep upstairs. All I could think of was that I had to get up in "x" amount of hours, and I knew I'd never fall asleep with Mr. Freight Train next to me. 

We even purchased an expensive mouthpiece a year or so ago, one that is supposed to keep the snoring to the bare minimum, and my beloved is talented enough to have figured out how to snore around it! Yes, I admit that it happens only once in a while, and the snoring is softer than it used to be ... but it's still snoring! 

So rather than focus on the part about him snoring softer and not as often as he used to, I find that I focus on the fact that he is snoring at all. 

Okay, okay, okay ... I'm off on a bunny trail. This post wasn't supposed to be about snoring. It's about focus. 

God has been talking to me a lot about focus these days. And the awful truth is that if I am looking for something negative, I don't have to look far. There's always a ready supply of negativity available, most of it beginning right inside my own little head!

But I'm learning that if I will take my magnifying glass and look for the little nuggets that my Father puts in my path, I am so blessed; and those thoughts wrap themselves around my heart and carry me safely through my day.

I had such an experience the other day. My husband and I were eating lunch, and the restaurant was equipped with televisions. It was the weekend before Veteran's Day, and the stations were showing all sorts of ads where sports teams had made it possible for soldiers to come home and surprise their loved ones at the various games. Apparently Wayne had seen several of these reunions throughout the weekend, and he was describing them to me. I could tell that he was very touched by them ... to the point of reaching to wipe the little telltale glisten from his eyes, as he struggled to speak around the lump I could hear forming in his throat. 

I just sat and listened, touched by the stories he shared, but even more touched by the man I've shared my life with for the past thirty years. He is a family man, and his heart is wholly God's. His desire is to leave a spiritual legacy for his family. Nothing means more to him than me, our kids, and our growing number of grandkids. What an incredible blessing! 

And to think I'd have missed it entirely ... 

if I hadn't moved that magnifying glass two inches ... 

from his nose 

to his eyes. 

We do find what we look for. Why not look for the good? What have we got to lose?

Love in the Little Things...

As I shared at the end of last month, God has been speaking Psalm 46:10 to my heart for quite some time now. And my focus has been on the "Cease striving" part of that verse. Recently, He very pointedly directed my attention to the second part of that statement: "Cease striving AND KNOW..."

To be known in the sense of the Bible often implies an intimacy in relationship, a type of knowing that implies vulnerability and transparency ... it is more than an academic understanding. I have come to realize that I have walked with the Lord for over thirty years, yet I have kept Him in the box of my limited understanding, for the most part. There are wounded places in my soul that have kept walls around some parts of my heart, limiting my ability to trust and rest in Him. It's been easier to know Him as the helper in my plans, with me being careful to maintain enough control of those endeavors to keep me feeling comfortable. 

So I have begun praying for God to touch those wounded places and make them whole again. And I have asked God to help me to truly know Him in the deepest sense of relationship. 

Last week, after praying that way for a couple days, I woke with a tune running through my mind, catchy and familiar, yet I couldn't quite place it. I remembered once being taught that God sings over His kids.

"The Lord your God is with you,

the Mighty Warrior who saves.

He will take great delight in you;

in His love He will no longer rebuke you,

but will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17

                                                                                       

Our teacher said if we woke with a song in our heads, we could envision the Holy Spirit singing over us as we slept. That thought has always warmed my heart. 

I headed off to work, still pondering. I felt nudged in my spirit to turn on the radio. So I tuned to my favorite Christian Station, The Bridge. 

I'll bet my song is going to play! I thought. 

The first song I heard was Forgiveness, by Matthew Ward.

I was stunned as I let the lyrics soak in. It's not that I haven't heard the song before, but this time, I listened like it was God speaking directly to me. It was almost verbatim what my last Bible study lesson had taught, and God had indeed shown me some people I needed to forgive.

The next song I heard was my song, the one the Spirit had been singing over me as I slept, the one I'd been humming since I'd climbed out of bed. It was Greater, by Mercy Me.




Another recent Bible study had taught on the importance of speaking life and not death, the importance of breaking words of death which had been spoken over you in your life, or even those words of death you might have spoken over yourself ... like what a failure you are ... words of rejection ... words of self-hatred, etc. I'd agreed with God that I had some work to do in this area, as well. 

And now my heavenly Father, the Creator of the universe, was sending me specific words of encouragement to help me succeed! 

That's love! Love in the big things. Love in the little things, like the song that stayed with me all day long. 

He longs to love us. Just ask Him!