I Just Gots to Know!

Knowledge …

I must confess that I love knowledge. Especially as it pertains to people and what makes them tick. I like to understand how people … particularly those who are nearest and dearest to me … work.

Why do some people view life one way, when others see things in a completely opposite manner?

What makes the dynamics a certain way between two people in a particular relationship? And yet those same two people may relate in a completely different manner with other people. Why is that?

Why are some folks shy and aloof? Why are others outgoing? Why do particular people make you feel safe and warm? And why do others make you feel like fingernails on a chalkboard?

This quest to know has been part of my psychological makeup for as long as I can remember. At first, I attributed human differences to astrology and the signs of the Zodiac. “Oh, you’re a Taurus … no wonder you are so stubborn.” Then I read a series of birth order books. “Oh, you’re a firstborn, so that’s why you are an overachiever.” Later, I was introduced to the concept of the four basic personality temperaments: Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic, and Phlegmatic … and the many variations thereof. (Apparently I am not the only one fascinated with this type stuff; if you do an on-line search on personality, you will be amazed at all the resources you find.) There are tests to determine how your unique personality influences you in the workplace, in marriage, in parenting, etc.

Couple my need to know the how and why of “relationship ticking” with my analytical nature, and you come out with someone who loves all those types of testing tools. When I was homeschooling my children, they suffered through more of these kinds of testing sessions than they probably care to remember. I wanted to know what these tests said about their temperaments and personality traits so I could better understand them and how they inter-related. We took personality tests. We took spiritual gifts inventories. We took aptitude testing to see what careers they would be best at. You name it, we probably “tested” it. I was in my glory, because I just loved the discovery of it all. It simply fascinated me. Still does. And I honestly find it odd when people do not share my enthusiasm in learning about these things.  

 Over the years, I have come to understand that my desire to know, my need to analyze, and my enthusiasm in the quest are part of the gifting that my heavenly Father saw fit to include in the unique package He fashioned together in me. (And he put an equally unique form-fitted gift into every one of us.) He made me the way I am in order that I will have the tools necessary to accomplish the plans and purposes He has created for me to fulfill while I’m here on this earth (Ephesians 2:10). It’s okay that others aren’t just like me; in fact, it is good that there is only one of me, for the world would be hard-pressed to deal with more than that!  And it is equally okay that I am not just like everyone else. God doesn’t make cookie cutter people. He makes originals every time.

So there is abundant and unique blessing in the gift package I came with, even if it might feel like fingernails on a chalkboard to some folks. However, a person’s gifting should also come with a warning label, because when applied the wrong way, these gifts can do more harm than good, both to the “gifted” and to the recipients of the gifting.

For me, my need to know can at times pass beyond interest and understanding and go straight to taking what I understand about personality and relationships and using it to pigeonhole people; when I see their behavior or thought processes as predictable, it always leads to prideful assumptions and painful misunderstandings, rather than just letting the people I love be who they are and tell me what they think or feel. A novel idea, right?!

 I had an epiphany just this morning, regarding my “need to know.” Our family has recently been dealing with an unexpected circumstance that has come up; one of our children has decided to divorce, and it came as quite an emotional shock. Some time has passed since the initial announcement, and I have had a chance to process and settle my emotions; overall I am feeling more peace in the midst of things, but there are times that I agonize over what we might have done differently as parents to help our child avoid this painful situation. I’ve been reading a book that I felt might shed some light, “doing my research,” so to speak, as is so true to my God-given nature. The author suggested many things parents might do to help their children navigate the world and all its ills in a secure and stable fashion, and I recognized that hubby and I fell short in more ways than one.

Lord, if we’d have done “this” or “that,” would things have gone down differently? I wondered.

In essence, I was pleading with Him …

I gots to know!!!!! How did this happen? Am I responsible?

His answer came in that still small voice I have come to know and love, and I was filled with conviction and peace at the same time, as well as with a sense of well-being and confidence.

I heard His words coming from my own mouth:

Why are you doing this to yourself? 

What good is it doing? 

What would you do if you did know the answer to that question? 

Can you go back and change the past? 

Will assigning blame make you feel better?

(And, yes, I do talk to myself…)

He continued:

Did you make mistakes as parents? Yes. You are human. Humans make mistakes.

Did your mistakes contribute to the thought processes that led to decisions that may have precipitated the circumstances facing your child today? Probably. 

And by the way, if I happen to reveal any of that to you, it’s to help you know how to pray for the situation, and to help you ask forgiveness from your child if necessary. It is not to give you permission or a reason to condemn yourself; there is no more condemnation (Romans 8:1).

Were your mistakes solely responsible for this circumstance? No. Remember that little thing that I put into each one of you when I created you? Free will? That free will operates in every single one of you, and that free will must take at least partial credit for every challenging circumstance that makes its way into a life.

And He closed with this:

Wouldn’t your time be better spent reminding yourself of the truth of My faithfulness to you and your children? If you spend your time meditating on Who I am; remembering that nothing is a surprise to Me, because I know the end from the beginning; considering that I am the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and that all of My good purposes will be accomplished and prevail over the assignments of the enemy, because their accomplishment depends on Me and not on you … you will find a peace, a joy, and a strength that can never be had any other way. This is walking in the Spirit.

When you let your need to know become your driving force, the thing that you trust in for your peace, security, hope, and solution, it becomes a god; you become the god of your own life. You are in control, rather than resting in My control.

Let it go. Leave it with Me.

I love you.

I love your family.

I got this.

You don’t   gots to know   anything but that!

 

Prodigals: Come Home!

Prodigal: The term has a decidedly negative religious connotation, doesn't it? I mean, when you hear about the Prodigal Son, you automatically think about the ungrateful child in the pigpen (Luke 15:11-32), having wasted his inheritance and ruined his life. Especially if you identify with the older brother, the one who "lived right" from the beginning, not requiring a walk on the wild side to help him realize the error of his ways. 

I looked up the meaning of the word prodigal, and I was surprised by what I found. (Definition of prodigal on Dictionary.com)

One definition: giving or yielding profusely; lavish
Another: lavishly abundant; profuse

Couldn't these very definitions define the heart of God? Doesn't He give mercy profusely? Aren't His blessings lavishly abundant? 

It was the other connotation of the word that rounded out the term prodigal: wastefully or recklessly extravagant. 

I remember two women in scripture who were accused of wasteful extravagance, when they poured perfume on the feet of Jesus, anointing Him with their love and tears. (Luke 7:36-50; John 12:1-11)

We might not all have a financial inheritance to go and waste on crazy living, as the young man did who was described in Luke 15. But every single living person in the world has a Father in heaven who loves him or her, who holds out the gift of eternal life to him or her. This free gift of eternity with our Creator is beyond any amount of money we could ever possess, and it comes to us at no cost ... FREE ... bought and paid for on our behalf by the life of Jesus Christ, who died in our place. (John 3:16)

Yet most of us have to figure it out the hard way. We go on living as if we have all the answers. We go on living as if we have forever. Wasting the precious time that God has given us here on this earth, to know and share His heart with a lost and dying world. We go on running from the loving arms of our Father, because we have bought the lie: the lie that there are many ways to God ... the lie that it doesn't matter ... the lie that we are guaranteed another tomorrow ... the lie that we know better than the One who created us.   

In truth, everyone is a prodigal before our Lord gets hold of his or her heart; at least I know I was. And now many of us who are parents know the unending heartache of watching our children run from God. And it doesn’t stop there. Many of us have family members … fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers … aunts, uncles, cousins … the list is unending … who are not in right relationship with the Father. It hurts to see them struggle. It is hard to keep praying and seemingly see no results. It isn’t about how hard or how well we pray; it’s not a thing we can control, because the answer involves those we are praying for baring and bowing their hearts to an unseen God, and many of these hearts are buried in heavy layers of self-protective armor. These people who we love so much and who seem so difficult at times are really wounded and hurting souls who just don’t want to be hurt yet again; their “truster” is broken. Too many times, they’ve risked vulnerability and been kicked in the teeth for their efforts. 

It is tempting to want to give up, to see all that prayer as a waste of time. And that is exactly what the enemy would like for us to do. But recently, God has encouraged me in so many ways as I pray. 

What does scripture say?

In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people (Acts 2:17, NIV). The NKJV translation says on all flesh. In a recent message given at our church, the speaker made this observation: the text doesn't say that the Spirit will be poured only on those who know God; it says the Spirit will be poured on all people. This includes those prodigals we are praying for! We can pray that the armor that surrounds their hearts ... the lies that have gripped their thoughts ... will crack, and we can pray that the Spirit will seep into those cracks and begin to heal their wounds and woo them to the Father's heart. 

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded (James 4:8). Notice the order in this verse. Does it say that God will draw near after you purify yourself? Or does it say to draw near to Him, and He will come near to you ... purification to follow? Yes, all He needs is for you to turn your head in His direction. 

And let's go back to the original passage we were discussing in Luke 15. Verse 20 reads like this: And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. The father was watching for the lost son, just as God the Father watches for us to make a move to come in His direction. When we do, He runs to us. 

Don't stop praying, people!!!! Nothing is impossible with God!

I want to close with this video clip our pastor played in church this past Sunday. It has some amazing spiritual applications. But for now, it is a depiction of a bear cub who has strayed from safety and is being stalked by a cougar; he runs to safety, and he finds it. 



Be blessed this day!

Keep Your Eye on the Ball ...

March Madness means something different in my life than for the majority of the rest of the world ... at least those individuals in the rest of the world who are sports-minded. I work in an accounting office, and we are slap dab in the middle of tax season. It gets rough. We are all tired and frazzled.

Last week was particularly tough for me. I only took my eye off the ball for a minute, but that was all it took, and I was out in left field. (Oops, I think I am mixing my metaphors, but you get the general idea here.......)

What happened to all that freedom I embraced this past December? I had to go and re-read my own post. Where did all my spiritual health (and mental health, for that matter) get off to? 

I lost sight of God's love, God's provision, God's purpose for me, and I focused squarely on my circumstances.

All too quickly, I found my mind wrapped in all the old self-defeating thoughts and attitudes of the past. Victimhood. It's always there ... ready, waiting, willing to cuddle and comfort the unsuspecting heart and mind. 

I was overworked. Stressed beyond my ability to cope well. My flesh had been super-sized. And my spirit was cowering in the corner, undernourished and weak. 

My super-sized flesh grabbed a megaphone and began to holler in my head: Did you see that? How can I get all this done alone? Did you see how this person looked at you? You messed that up. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah .......

Soon vain imagination jumped into the mix. It was a regular party up in my head. It made for a bad day that stretched into a bad week. 

Add to the mix some other unexpected personal circumstances, and by the end of the week I felt like all the life had been squashed right out of me. And for all practical purposes, it truly had been. I had allowed a mountain of circumstances to snuff out the light of hope in my heart. I forgot that I was part of a team, that I didn't have to handle life all alone. 

I spoke with a dear friend this past weekend, and after I'd shared all my woes and asked her to pray for me, I quipped lightly, "Well, if all this is coming against me, I'm either doing something very wrong or very right."

She chuckled softly and said she was sure the Holy Spirit would let me know. 

She was certainly right. 

The very next day, another friend shared this devotional with me: 

 From Sapphires, the teachings of Jonathan Cahn

How is your day going? You probably think that if things are going bad you are having a bad day and if things are going good, it’s a good day. But the Bible says something completely different. And it can change the way you live your life. Proverbs 15:15 says, "All the days of the downcast are bad, but a cheerful heart has an everlasting banquet."    Or, 'All the days of the downcast are bad, but a good heart has a never-ending banquet.'

In other words, it is not bad days that make the downcast heart. It is the downcast heart that makes all of the bad days. And it is not the continual banquet that makes the good heart. It is the good heart that makes the continual banquet. Get it?

If your heart is complaining, your days will be rotten. And if your heart is full of praise and thanksgiving, your days will be full and beautiful.  So... do you want a good day, a good week, a good year … a good life?  Stop seeking after a good day, and seek instead to have a good heart. Give thanks in all things, and praise to God, and your life will become an everlasting banquet.

TODAYS MISSION - No matter what is around you today, give God thanks and praise Him as often as you can, and you will have a never-ending banquet.

Psalm 42:11

The problem wasn't with the people around me. The problem wasn't having too much work to do. The problem was my very own heart. My heart was complaining. And the problem was with my very own eyes. My eyes were focused on circumstances, instead of on the Lord of my life, who walks right beside me through every possible circumstance I encounter. He is my Way Maker. He is my Victory.  He is my Peace ... my Redeemer ... my Rock ... my Shield ... my Strength ... my Safe Place. He is my all in all. 

At the risk of sounding irreverent, He is the Ball in my court. If I will keep my eyes on Him, we will make the winning basket every time!

I was Running Low on Ammo when I got to Church ...

Well...

Confession is good for the soul, right?

So I confess that I knew that title would grab your attention!

And, yes. Yes! Confession is good for the soul. It forces us to live honestly. It forces us to live on purpose. It forces us to live our lives like we really mean it. 

Please don't ever let anyone tell you that God doesn't have a sense of humor. I wrote my last post (Should We Stockpile Ammo?) a couple weeks before it actually made its debut; how was I to know that when I re-read it, God would use my very own words to bring conviction to my heart? 

Not funny, God! 

Actually, it did make me laugh. Caught red-handed. 

Let's see ... now where was I? 

Oh, that's right. 

I was running low on ammo when I got to church [click here to read the post :) ], and instead of paying attention to Pastor's message, I was forming a plan of attack on the clutter that is currently holding my home hostage. 

• We are going to clean out that room, deal with the boxes of "stuff" that reside there, reclaim our living space. 
• We are going to clean out our closets.
• We are going to clean the kitchen cupboards out. 

The din of my racing thoughts was deafening. 

But eventually the Spirit of God began to penetrate the clamor, and my spirit responded to His ministrations. Maybe it was the worship music. Maybe it was the Spirit calming the savage beast of perfection that raged within. Maybe it was just my Father in His great mercy, reaching out His hand to steady me.  

Let's see. What had I written in that earlier post? 

The more of His word that we have hidden in our arsenal ... in our hearts ... the more weapons we have available to us to address whatever assault the enemy has cooked up to turn our life upside down. 

Just whose words had I been listening to that morning? 

You are a failure. 
You are inadequate. 
You mess up everything. 

Oh, yes ... those would be the words of the enemy. The words of a liar bent on stealing my peace, bent on destroying my true identity as a daughter of the King, and determined to kill my joy. 

Whenever I am unsettled, I have noticed an unhealthy pattern. Instead of sitting with God and asking Him what He wants me to learn in the midst of my unrest, I want to DO SOMETHING! By getting busy "doing," it seems I feel convinced that I have worth, promise, and potential. So my natural tendency is to get Bound Under Satan's Yoke, performing to prove something, rather than recalling the truth of God's word that tells me who I am in Him. If I would simply speak that truth to myself, it would expose the lie and bring instant peace. 

In the spirit of confession, Thanksgiving Day was a two-week celebration in our family this year. Nothing at all wrong with that; we ought to be giving thanks every day, right? No, the confession is in the reality that when we are caught up in having company and pulled from our usual routine, I often don't make the time I need to for God in my life. 

Right about here is where there needs to be a warning label. (The genius of this photo will be lost on those too young to remember the television show Lost in Space, but I couldn't resist.)

In busy times like these, I acknowledge Him, but I'm not sitting in His presence the way I need to be in order to stockpile ammo, to keep myself steeped in His words of life. I find that I'm often trying to live on yesterday's manna. 

Living on yesterday's manna is never a good thing. People are like tires with a nail in them; or like helium balloons several days past their prime. The truth of the matter is that we leak. We can take great care to keep ourselves filled with the Holy Spirit, but this is a daily endeavor; if we don't refresh our supply, we will run low on ammo. 

As long as I'm confessing here, I might as well give you the full monty. In all long-term relationships, you know that there will be those days when things just don't seem "right" between you and your loved one. That particular Sunday, my sweet husband and I were dealing with a repetitive struggle, a certain concern that arises every so often between us, especially at times when I allow my spiritual tank to leak. Each time this particular issue surfaces, we share our hearts and our thoughts, but we still seem to come away without full resolution. Things improve each time we tread the pathways of this challenge, but the fact remains that we still have a ways to go. 

Instead of focusing on the positives, the fact that we get closer and closer to full resolution each time we reach this place in our relationship, that Sunday I was full of frustration and self-condemnation. I was irritated at him and at myself. I ended up in church, but I wasn't worshiping my Lord. No, I was steeped in bondage, at least until the Holy Spirit was able to shine some light into the darkness and remind me to use my ammo; to remind me to speak truth to the lie and be freed; to stop the enemy in his lying, cheating tracks.

Hubby and I sorted everything out as the day progressed, and as I prayed and reflected the next day, I told God how very blessed I am to be His daughter and Wayne's wife. In fact, I can say without doubt that my husband is the one of the best things that has ever happened to me. God gently whispered in my ear: 

Tell him, then. And live like you mean it. 

Stop living as if you have a choice; spiritual warfare is not an option in the Christian life. Put your fatigues on and get back in the war. 

By the way, take all your ammo. 

You Find what You Look for ...

If you've been married for any length of time, I'm sure you know by now that your spouse can do things that you find annoying. I mean, it can't be just me, can it? 

Let me give you an example. I've always been a night owl, while hubby could happily go to bed at 9 PM. I can be nodding off on the couch in the evening, but around 10:00, I always get that burst of I'm-not-sure-what, but I could stay up for another couple hours after it hits, no sweat ... until the alarm goes off at 5 AM. I guess God just designed our biorhythms differently. After all, variety is the spice of life, right?  

That being the case, it's not unusual for me to sit up reading at night, while Wayne slumbers peacefully beside me, quiet as a mouse. Quiet as a mouse, that is, UNTIL I turn off the light and snuggle down to drift off to dreamland myself. It usually doesn't take more than thirty seconds, a minute at most, before I hear that first raspy little snore. Really? 

I literally feel my entire body tense at the softest hint of a snore. My blood pressure elevates, and I find my thoughts spinning around at the injustice of it all.

I've been reading for over an hour, and you haven't made a single peep. But now ... now that I'm trying to sleep ... now you are going to snore. That's just great. Priceless!

I used to get so frustrated that I'd go and sleep upstairs. All I could think of was that I had to get up in "x" amount of hours, and I knew I'd never fall asleep with Mr. Freight Train next to me. 

We even purchased an expensive mouthpiece a year or so ago, one that is supposed to keep the snoring to the bare minimum, and my beloved is talented enough to have figured out how to snore around it! Yes, I admit that it happens only once in a while, and the snoring is softer than it used to be ... but it's still snoring! 

So rather than focus on the part about him snoring softer and not as often as he used to, I find that I focus on the fact that he is snoring at all. 

Okay, okay, okay ... I'm off on a bunny trail. This post wasn't supposed to be about snoring. It's about focus. 

God has been talking to me a lot about focus these days. And the awful truth is that if I am looking for something negative, I don't have to look far. There's always a ready supply of negativity available, most of it beginning right inside my own little head!

But I'm learning that if I will take my magnifying glass and look for the little nuggets that my Father puts in my path, I am so blessed; and those thoughts wrap themselves around my heart and carry me safely through my day.

I had such an experience the other day. My husband and I were eating lunch, and the restaurant was equipped with televisions. It was the weekend before Veteran's Day, and the stations were showing all sorts of ads where sports teams had made it possible for soldiers to come home and surprise their loved ones at the various games. Apparently Wayne had seen several of these reunions throughout the weekend, and he was describing them to me. I could tell that he was very touched by them ... to the point of reaching to wipe the little telltale glisten from his eyes, as he struggled to speak around the lump I could hear forming in his throat. 

I just sat and listened, touched by the stories he shared, but even more touched by the man I've shared my life with for the past thirty years. He is a family man, and his heart is wholly God's. His desire is to leave a spiritual legacy for his family. Nothing means more to him than me, our kids, and our growing number of grandkids. What an incredible blessing! 

And to think I'd have missed it entirely ... 

if I hadn't moved that magnifying glass two inches ... 

from his nose 

to his eyes. 

We do find what we look for. Why not look for the good? What have we got to lose?

Love in the Little Things...

As I shared at the end of last month, God has been speaking Psalm 46:10 to my heart for quite some time now. And my focus has been on the "Cease striving" part of that verse. Recently, He very pointedly directed my attention to the second part of that statement: "Cease striving AND KNOW..."

To be known in the sense of the Bible often implies an intimacy in relationship, a type of knowing that implies vulnerability and transparency ... it is more than an academic understanding. I have come to realize that I have walked with the Lord for over thirty years, yet I have kept Him in the box of my limited understanding, for the most part. There are wounded places in my soul that have kept walls around some parts of my heart, limiting my ability to trust and rest in Him. It's been easier to know Him as the helper in my plans, with me being careful to maintain enough control of those endeavors to keep me feeling comfortable. 

So I have begun praying for God to touch those wounded places and make them whole again. And I have asked God to help me to truly know Him in the deepest sense of relationship. 

Last week, after praying that way for a couple days, I woke with a tune running through my mind, catchy and familiar, yet I couldn't quite place it. I remembered once being taught that God sings over His kids.

"The Lord your God is with you,

the Mighty Warrior who saves.

He will take great delight in you;

in His love He will no longer rebuke you,

but will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17

                                                                                       

Our teacher said if we woke with a song in our heads, we could envision the Holy Spirit singing over us as we slept. That thought has always warmed my heart. 

I headed off to work, still pondering. I felt nudged in my spirit to turn on the radio. So I tuned to my favorite Christian Station, The Bridge. 

I'll bet my song is going to play! I thought. 

The first song I heard was Forgiveness, by Matthew Ward.

I was stunned as I let the lyrics soak in. It's not that I haven't heard the song before, but this time, I listened like it was God speaking directly to me. It was almost verbatim what my last Bible study lesson had taught, and God had indeed shown me some people I needed to forgive.

The next song I heard was my song, the one the Spirit had been singing over me as I slept, the one I'd been humming since I'd climbed out of bed. It was Greater, by Mercy Me.




Another recent Bible study had taught on the importance of speaking life and not death, the importance of breaking words of death which had been spoken over you in your life, or even those words of death you might have spoken over yourself ... like what a failure you are ... words of rejection ... words of self-hatred, etc. I'd agreed with God that I had some work to do in this area, as well. 

And now my heavenly Father, the Creator of the universe, was sending me specific words of encouragement to help me succeed! 

That's love! Love in the big things. Love in the little things, like the song that stayed with me all day long. 

He longs to love us. Just ask Him!

Putting my Money Where my Mouth is...

The name of this blog is Dare to Share. So now I'm going to put my money where my mouth is. I'm going to take a giant leap of faith... 

Let me digress for a minute. You may have noticed the picture up above ... that's me atop a 30+ feet-tall pole, attempting to perch atop a teeny, tiny board ... preparing to take a leap for the bar that's extended in front of me. I may hit that bar, or I might miss it. Either way, those harnesses that they put around my chest and my hips are going to catch me in my fall. I am safe. At least that's what they told me before I climbed that pole...

And they were telling me the truth! But for me to find that out for myself, I had to take the leap and test the harnesses. 

This event took place at the Outdoor Wilderness Learning Center, in Dubach, LA. We celebrated our daughter-in-law's birthday there at the end of October. 

As I reflected on my time atop that pole in the days that followed, God reminded me of what my husband told me the day after the event: "I've never loved you more than I did when I saw you up there on top of that pole." That love wasn't based on externals. It was based on his knowing that I was facing my fears, and that I was willing to learn to trust. God showed me that our faith in Him is just like that. He is crazy about us from the start, but His love is kindled anew when He sees us facing our fears, trusting Him to prove Himself ever faithful to us in each circumstance that comes our way. When we leap forward in faith, He is that harness that will catch us and carry us forward. We might hit the intended mark, or we might fail and have to try again; either way, we are not on our own. He is right by our side, carrying us through. I call it "living in the leap"!

Okay, so I've avoided it long enough. I said I was going to put my money where my mouth was. Here goes: 

When I first wrote Worth Every Tear, I had aspirations of setting the world on fire! I would bring hope to countless families battling with wayward children. While there is nothing wrong with desiring to help others, my motives were not as pure as I imagined. It wasn't just a desire to help, but a desire to prove myself to God, to earn His favor by showing Him what I could do for Him. 

Aren't I grand? Aren't You glad You saved me? 

Yuck!

Ugh!

Sickens me to admit it, and I'm not sure I even recognized it until recently.

But confession is good for the soul, right?

So move onward a few years. What am I doing for God now? It has to be something big right? Well, at least that's the lie I bought into. Part of the challenge of living in this world is not to be of this world, and the world measures success by how important something seems to be, how significant... how big... how expensive... So our Western culture teaches us, anyhow. We are supposed to Think Big! 

I've spent the last couple years wondering What Now? The book is complete. I'm back in the workforce. Homeschooling is a thing of the past. Who am I now? What am I doing for God now? And I wasn't able to come up with anything that seemed good enough, big enough, important enough... 

I believe that's because my focus was still on me and not Him. Earlier this year, He pulled me up short and told me to STOP! He needed to get my attention. I wrote about it several days ago: Are you BUSY too?

In the past four months, God has radically changed the way I perceive many things. He's shown me that I don't have to earn His favor; I already have it. He's shown me that I don't have to make things happen; He's got it all under control. He's shown me that I don't have to understand everything He is up to ... I just need to trust that He is up to good things, especially when I don't understand! 

Recently, a friend posted something on Facebook that has totally reshaped how I view ministry. It is worth reading: Click here. 

What I do for God doesn't have to be a great big thing. No, I can do the smallest thing from a pure heart, and my GREAT BIG God will use it for His glory and for the good of all who are touched by it. 

All that's required of me is to focus on my relationship with Him, spend time getting to know Him better and better. As I learn to hear His still, small voice more and more clearly, in the midst of the chaos of the world, and as I obey without worrying, trusting Him to "catch me if I fall," He will make a difference. I simply need to live ready, and leave the results in His hands. 

So be encouraged today! Your leap of faith may be to smile at the next person you pass in the grocery store. Or it may be to leave a $100 tip to a waitress, as my friend did. Or whatever God whispers to your spirit. Just be ready to obey and leave the results to Him.

Today, He told me to share what He has been teaching me, so I have put my money where my mouth is and "dared to share." The results are up to Him. 

Learning to live in the leap (of faith) is setting me free from performance and perfectionism. There's room on my perch! Join me today!

God bless you! 

Are you BUSY too?

You may have noticed that my blog has been inactive and eerily silent for four months. (But more likely, in life's general chaos, you haven't even missed me ... sometimes I overestimate my own importance!) 

It's almost been like a writer's block, but in truth ... God told me to rest. Not "rest" in the sense of relax, but "rest" in the sense of STOP! 

Psalm 46:10, in many translations, reads: "Be still, and know that I am God..." In the NLT, it reads: "Be silent, and know that I am God!" The Complete Jewish Bible says: "Desist, and learn that I am God..." God's Word translation says, "Let go [of your concerns]! Then you will know that I am God." And the Holman Christian Standard translation says, "Stop [your fighting] - and know that I am God ..."

For most of my three decades of walking with the Lord, I've been busy ... busy filling my life with good things ... busy trying to live as a "good Christian" ought to live ... busy doing everything I could to erase all the negative things that come against folks ~ shame, rejection, fear, humiliation ... busy trying to fight off all the bad stuff in life and to keep my family from having to deal with it in theirs. But the more I fought against it, the more I honed in on it to "take it out" (I won't think those thoughts; I won't lose my temper; I won't eat all those cookies...), the larger it often seemed to loom on my horizon. There's a reason for that; what we focus on becomes the mainstay of our life. 

I recently heard this acronym for the word BUSY:

B - Bound
U - Under
S - Satan's
Y - Yoke


Seems God's been trying hard to get my attention, and it only took thirty years to do it! I've wasted three decades fighting to earn God's favor, when I already have it! The more we plod through life trying to accomplish what God has already done for us, the more bound and imprisoned we become. He doesn't need us to impress Him. He is already crazy about us! So much so that He let His only Son die, so that He could have a relationship with us. And He did that while we were still thumbing our noses at Him! (John 3:16; Romans 5:8)

So if you are tired, feeling bound and hemmed in, if you are wondering just where is that abundant life God promised me? (John 10:10), it might be time for a divine cease and desist order in your life too. 

It's time for all of us, Christians and seekers alike, to stop "doing" and to start resting in what's already been "done" for us. It's time for us to find freedom. It's time for us to exchange Satan's yoke (busyness) for Christ's yoke: 

"Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)

Dear one, you don't need to earn God's love. You need only to receive it. 

Now that's good news!

The Expectation Response

"To anticipate" or "to expect"; both involve looking forward to something, according to dictionary.com. 

In my post last week, Pins and Needles ... and the Waiting Thing, I touched on the subject of expectations. Expectations, in and of themselves, are not inherently bad; it's the attitude with which we hold them that can get us into trouble.

When I saw the picture of the little tot above, clearly anticipating the arrival of a Christmas visitor, it made me smile. Certainly, that little child's anticipation is pure and joyful; there is expectation of blessing to be sure, but probably not such a specific expectation that it will yield sinful heart attitudes if not met exactly. Maybe little Bobby is hoping for a bicycle; but if he gets a puppy instead, he will be just as thrilled. 

I find that as we grow older, our expectations begin to define our responses. Teen-aged Bobby might expect a car for Christmas, and then pout when he gets only a computer. A computer is clearly a blessing, but it isn't the blessing Bob wanted; his expectations were unmet, and now instead of being thankful, he has a bitter heart. 

For me, personally, it isn't so much expectation of material things that can threaten to undo me. No, it is expectations of people and relationships. Sometimes I assume others think just as I do, and then when they act in a way that is unexpected, it wounds me. Once wounded, I might withhold forgiveness for an individual, expecting that they realize I am holding out for an apology. And since they think just like I do, I should have no need to explain why I'm hurt; they should already know what they have done to hurt me. And I certainly needn't verbalize my desire to receive an apology from them; they already know what they need to do. Right? 

Or suppose I have been the one to trample on a relationship. Maybe I did something that could be, in hindsight, construed insensitive; but it wouldn't have caused me that much anguish, had it been done to me, so there's really no problem. Right? Or perhaps I can't think of one single thing I have done, which I myself would find hurtful or offensive. I could come away from that situation with this attitude: "Well, that person is obviously too sensitive; that wouldn't bother me. It shouldn't bother them." 

Assumptions that others think like I do, or that they understand me ... or assumptions about others' thoughts or feelings ... these things can only end in one way. And it can be summed up in the spelling of the very word itself:

ASS - U - ME

I wish I could tell you that I learned these truths in an academic setting, but you already know that I did not, and that I cannot. Unfortunately, most of us learn these painful lessons the hard way, by being hurt, and by hurting those we love. 

Sadly, I have in the past ignored the nudge of the Holy Spirit to forgive an offense, choosing instead to wallow in the assumption that the offending party knew exactly what they had done. I withheld my forgiveness, waiting for my much-deserved apology (in my humble opinion). All I ended up with was a bitter heart and a broken relationship. Thankfully, God was able, after I knew Him, to get through to my stubborn heart, and He was able to restore the relationship, when I finally gave up my rights and just loved that person right where they were, accepting that what they were giving me was all they were capable of giving to any relationship. It was then that I was finally able to pray for that soul, pray that God would be able to heal and mend that heart, free it from the pain and suffering which crippled it (as God had to free my own). And who knows, maybe one day, the relationship will be all I hope it to be. At least, for now, I'm not the barrier to God's touch for either of us. 

Yes, there are times when we really have a justified reason to be offended, but God still calls us to forgive and let Him deal with the offense. Then we have to face ourselves and ask this question: Do we trust Him to take care of things? Are we afraid He will extend mercy, when we want Him to exact revenge? Are we going to insist on exacting revenge ourselves, to be sure things are handled the way we expect them to be handled? I've had those arguments with God too, and that's a subject for a future blog post. 

And there will be times when God calls us to end a relationship that is not healthy or beneficial. But in my experience, if it's truly Him calling the end, you will still have love in your heart. That's a great deal different than bitterness. 

I have found that the longer I allow bitterness to fester, the greater the battles will be to love, when it's all over. It's almost like bitterness is a virus, and it leaves antibodies in your heart. Later, when you truly want to love, sometimes that old virus will flare up, and you find yourself fighting that old battle once again, trying to regain your footing, having to re-conquer territory that you already won from the enemy. How much easier it would have been to forgive in the first place, the first time the Holy Spirit nudged me in that direction! 

My desire for the future is that I keep my expectations centered on God and His word. I know I do not always think as He thinks, for we are told in Isaiah 55:8: "'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord." 

I also know that He knows how and why I think as I do. 

Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I stand up.
You understand my thoughts from far away.
You observe my travels and my rest;
You are aware of all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue,
You know all about it, Lord.
You have encircled me;
You have placed Your hand on me.
This extraordinary knowledge is beyond me.
It is lofty; I am unable to reach it.

Psalm 139:1-6

If His word becomes the filter for all my future expectations and assumptions, then my responses will be more Christlike. People will be able to see Him, rather than me. 

John 3:30 says, "He must increase, but I must decrease."

John 12:32 says, "And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all peoples to Myself." 

Pins and Needles ... and the Waiting Thing

To say our family has been waiting, sometimes on pins and needles, for close to a month, is putting it lightly. 

On May 23^rd, our son and his sweet wife had their first child, a sweet baby boy. When time permits, she plans to share their story on this blog.

For now, let’s suffice it to say that we never once anticipated or expected the unthinkable. Our grandson arrived without incident, all 7 pounds and 14 ounces of him; and within an hour of his birth, we almost lost him. We will be forever grateful to the Lord for His miracle touch, and for working through the incredible NICU staff at St. Francis Medical Center in Monroe, LA, to give us back our sweet boy.

Yesterday, our son celebrated his very first Father’s Day! What a blessing!

Our daughter and her husband are also ready to welcome their second child, a little girl, into this world. To say that they have been ready since her cousin was born is an understatement. Her actual due date is today, but the doctor has said, for the past three weeks, that he didn’t expect her to last another week before delivery. She certainly looks like she can’t last another day. We all thought a Father’s Day appearance would be perfect! And yet, Father’s Day has come and gone, and we are still waiting …

Expectantly …   

… on pins and needles.

God has spoken to my heart much about waiting over the past year. I’ve discovered that there is a difference between waiting and waiting well. I wait well ONLY when I am trusting in Him completely, when I am totally surrendered to Him, His plan, His purpose, His timing, free of any expectations of my own, except those founded in His character and His promises.

At other times, when I’m waiting with strong opinions of my own as to how something should happen, or when it should happen, that is when I merely wait … on pins and needles.

Oh how I’d love to say that I’ve mastered this waiting thing. But the truth of the matter is this: If I’d really mastered the waiting thing, there would be no pins or needles to it. There would be only peace. I would wait well every time, resting completely in my Father’s plan, His touch, His care … His ability to work all things together for good in my life.

Romans 8:28 says this: “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

I love God, and I am called according to His purpose, so I stand on His promise to work all things together for good to me. There have been many a time in my life that I have stood on this promise in perfect peace, in the face of difficult trials; I have walked through those places feeling His strength carrying me through. At those times in my life, when all is beyond my grasp, beyond my poor attempts to fix or control, those are the times I seem to hunker down and wait well. I have no other choice. And I have learned to praise Him for those times! Our vigil for our grandson a few weeks ago was such a time. He poured out His grace and mercy on each one of us as we waited, and we waited in victorious fashion. His testimony at these times is exceptionally powerful!

But what about the times I don’t wait well? What about the times when I wait on pins and needles, every other breath a battle to stifle my own opinions and desires and to rest in His goodness, trust in His mercy, in His plans, as I wait on Him to move … in a heart, in my life, in answer to a prayer, in any given circumstance …

What about then?

Is His testimony any less powerful?

Is His promise any less true?

To His great glory and to my great relief, and to the testimony of His unending mercy, His working of all things together for good in my life isn’t completely dependent on me. It is more dependent on His character and His inability to be unfaithful to Himself, except for times when I choose to walk contrary to His calling. If I choose to sin, God is not bound to keep a promise to me. But as soon as I repent and turn back to Him in love, He is still willing to work even my mistakes towards His good purpose in my life. I have seen Him do it.  

So, yes, even if I am not waiting well, His promise is still true; He can still work all things together for good to me, for I still love Him, and in the midst of the battle between my desire and His, I am still called according to His purpose.

But my testimony for Him suffers when I don’t wait well, because the peace is missing. His peace that He died to give me. His peace that passes all understanding. The thing that others would see, that would draw them unto Him. It is dimmed, hidden behind my impatient flesh.

Philippians 4:6-7 says: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

My pins and needles are a form of anxiety; therefore, when I’m waiting on God, but not waiting well, I do not have the peace that passes understanding. I look like every other impatient person in the world. I still have the promise of God available to me, that He will work everything to my good, but no one but me knows it!

How much better it is when I can surrender my expectations, my will, my opinions, my demands to a good and loving Father, for He longs only to bless me. I am a work in progress, and I’m happy to say that I “wait well” more often than I used to, not just after I have exhausted all my other options first and have no other choice; but how I long for a time when it is a rarity that I feel that pins and needles feeling as I wait.

James 1:2-7 NASB, instructs us:

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord.” 

I'll end with this. It was either the first or second day that our grandson was in the NICU. Wayne and I had stopped by our hotel to get something before heading back to the hospital. I glanced up at the sky, and I saw this:

To the bottom left of that upper cloud formation, I clearly saw what looked to me like the imprint of a hand. It brought great peace to my heart, because as I stared at it, I felt the whisper of God's love, like He was impressing upon my spirit that my life and the lives of my loved ones are in His care. He has us covered. His hands of blessing, protection, and prayer are outstretched toward us. 

May you know that truth in your spirit. May we each know it. And may it strengthen us to walk through our trials with confidence, to wait well, as we trust Him.